I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
