smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
