My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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