drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
