Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
