i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
