Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
