The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
