I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
