May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize