my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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