no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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