dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
