I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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