Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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