I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
