I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize