The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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