this beer tastes like vomit already
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize