I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
