it's not cheating when I paid for it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
