im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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