did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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