Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
