don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
