??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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