you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize
