apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
