peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
