Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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