bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize