how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
