i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize