I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
