imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
