Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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