somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
