This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
