3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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