honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
