You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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