Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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