We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
wow bdsm is so cute
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
