On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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