The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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