i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
