At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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