Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
