Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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