New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
