I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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