Sry I called you an 8
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
