I just pynch a tree in the face
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
