i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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