WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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