my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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