Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
