Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
