I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
