Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My nipple is on Facebook.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
