I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
