my mouth tastes like poor choices
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize