all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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