I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize