pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
