the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
